IMMOLATION- My journey to imperfection

Immolation; a new word added to my dictionary, the meaning might be easy but practice and experience is far away to imbibe it completely. Random thoughts haunting in the mind; at time I am lost and join the queue of looser but no longer I ready to fight back. The feeling of disappointment growing with each passing days; seeing other growing indeed a challenge in itself. Every disapproval makes me realize that enough is enough and perhaps this is not my cup of tea but when I introspect and retrospect, I find no other option but to fight back again. Every night I sleep with tension and worries of gone day and every morning I get up with certain expectation and new hopes.
To vent out my frustration of my failure (every single) at time to raise my consideration aligning my experience, knowledge and skills but a fear of not getting any project spine through veins. Perhaps negotiation can be made only with people with similar capacity and I have no point of negotiation but to accept the conditions. Life seems like signing up for a new portal where one has to accept the terms and conditions to be approved for; no place for negotiation for users.
I guess I am practicing it or it might have become a part of my life and yours as well; yes you guess it right immolation. We are practicing it before it added to our verbal thesaurus. 

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